#Running commentary hallucinations free

They're never mean, they just sort of narrate and comment on what I'm doing, and when they stop I usually get nervous because the only time that they've gone quiet is when I have experienced really terrible episodes, I've sort of convinced myself that they love me and they go quiet during that time because they don't like to see me suffer. and sometimes when I'm just doing nothing, especially laying down before bed, they sometimes have a conversation about me, almost like one of those recaps you see on television after a sports game or an awards show. I was shaving this morning and I heard it being described in detail like it was a football game - 'he's just finished his upper lip and now going for the chin!' 'WOAH HE'S SHAVING AGAINST THE GRAIN.ANNND HE'S CUT HIMSELF!' and I just finished going to the bathroom and they were describing how many times I wrapped the toilet paper around my hand, the face that I was making, how I was adjusting the knobs so that the water in the sink when I was washing my hands wasn't too cold etc. I finally qualified for Medicaid and it kicks in after New Years, so hopefully I'll be able to go to a psychiatrist and get medication to supplement my treatment, and get a proper diagnosis, because my analyst and I think it's more than bipolar disorder.Īnyway, although I sometimes have delusions and visual hallucinations, they're very rare, but I experience constant auditory hallucinations of the weirdest sort, they're not talking to me, they're just talking about me, like a running commentary. I've been going to a psychoanalyst for the last year and it helps, better than any other therapy I've ever tried, but the only reason I'm able to continue therapy is because he has a sliding scale fee structure and let's me pay him when I can, so sometimes I bring $10 to our thrice weekly appointments and sometimes I bring $200 to cover past and future sessions. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and panic disorder when I was 16, but I didn't keep up with my mental health and when I decided that I wanted to, I didn't have insurance.

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#Running commentary hallucinations free

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